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“… You are not Entitled to Act upon …
… Nor do you have the Right to Act upon …
… The Mutual or The OneWay Romantic “Feelings” …
… That you may have …
… For Another Person …”
… Seems Self Explanatory …
… The idea that you can have ‘romantic’ feelings for someone else. Whether they are feelings that are reciprocated or not. Yet, there also exists a concurrent … The idea that you can have ‘romantic’ feelings for someone else … Whether they are feelings that are reciprocated or not … Yet, there also exists a concurrent fact that you do not have the ‘Right’ (See Earlism #11 Right Is A Dangerous Thing) … to act on those ‘romantic’ feelings …
… Seems self explanatory …
… Yet somehow I seem to have to continue to explain it …
.… Thus, I will gladly do so again …
… A lot of people are hung up on, ‘the one that got away’ … They spend years pining away over that person … who they saw as ‘their perfect match’ … They can be married or single … but they unfortunately regret the fact that … for whatever reason … things just did not seem to work out between the two of you …
… Now, believe me when I tell you that I am not … Now, believe me when I tell you … that I am not knocking you … for ‘wishing’ that it had worked out between you two … Real Chemistry between two people is hard to find (See Earlism #79 Chemistry … Passion) …
… Heck … I have personally lost A LOT! of ‘friends’ … Two of whom I have come to call “BFFs Who Do Not Talk To Me Anymore” …
… However … people seem to think that …
… Just because you like someone … and God Forbid you may have actually ‘Shared a Genuine Connection’ with that other person … OR … It may have just been a One Way attraction … Because you thought that person would be … Your ‘Perfect Match’ …
.… Does Not Necessarily Mean … that the correct set of circumstances & timing existed … such that the two of you could actually … Connect with each other … And Live Happily EverAfter …
… I cannot explain it any other way … Other than to say that … ‘Sometimes Life Be’s like that’ … You do not always get to Act Upon … Nor are you Entitled to Act Upon … The Feelings that you have for someone else …
… Not even when those ‘Romantic’ Feelings are Mutually Shared …
… I have a Yet to be Published Earlism about Feelings & Busses … That I will not ‘give away’ right now …
… But suffice it to say that you have to appreciate the fact that you shared a ‘Mutually Expressed Romantic Connection’ with another person … And Believe that The Right One … Will Come Along … IF … You Are Patient Enough to Find Them …
… Think of it this way …
… If You found that ‘Connection With One’ …
… Then it Must Be Possible that At Least One More Person …
… With those Qualities …
… Exists in the World …
“… Chemistry Is A Connection Between Two …
… …
… Passion Is A Stirring In You …”
The Hallmark Channel
… I have long wondered aloud … Why I LOVE to watch the Hallmark Channel … Though in reality I actually have my seasons when I watch regularly … And then I have times when I take extended breaks from Hallmark Channel Movies …
… After all … The scripts and plots are very similar … And the outcomes are generally preordained …
… But for some reason they fascinate me …
… My most recent fav is Fashionably Yours …
… I get it … I am a ‘Hopeless Romantic’ at heart … But that does not fully explain my attraction to the Hallmark Channel …
… I finally figured it out one day …
… I like to see and figure out if the paired couple in the movie have …
… Real Chemistry … OR … If they are just scripted to come together in the end and they exhibit some form of self-directed, internally motivated … Passion toward each other … Based on what they once wrote on a piece of paper … or thought was ‘Their Type’ …
… Watching the Hallmark Channel … Is just my way of being …
… A self-proclaimed ‘Highly Trained Observer of the Human Condition’ …
… A Personality Portrait Stuff …
Chemistry vs. Passion
In short …
… Chemistry is difficult to define … But you know it when you see it and ‘FEEL’ it …
… You also know when you DONT have it …
Passion on the other hand is easier to spot … It is simply some internal drive to have and likely hold someone …
… Now that other Someone may not likely nor initially return your Interest … And they generally do not share the Drive or Intensity to … ‘Get With You’ … In the same way that you Desire to … ‘Get With Them’ … But eventually they might exhibit in return … Some SHORT TERM … Desire toward you …
… Chemistry is a manifested True Connection …
… Passion is just your Soul or Ego (Freud) working overtime …
… Chemistry USUALLY works long term …
… Because it is SO RARE AND HARD TO FIND …
… Passion fades …
… Particularly … If you actually ‘Get What You Want’ …
Help Me … Help You …
… Here is one way to tell the difference … A person once told me …
… A person that I actually, gladly do not speak with any more …
… “You have to learn to distinguish the difference between the people who are Sent to ‘Help You’ …
… From the people who you are Sent to ‘Help’” …
… Or Stated Another Way …
… Is there real Chemistry between you two …
… Is (s)he a helper …
… Made Just For You? …
The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone … I will Make a Helper who is Just Right for him.”
Genesis 2:18 (NIRV)
“… Question: How do I Figure Out …
… What’s My Type …
… Who’s ‘The One?’ …
… …
… Answer: Look Back at Each ‘The One’ …
… …
… Never Settle for Anything Less …”
“… How do I Figure Out …
… What’s My Type …
… Who’s ‘The One?’ …
… What I Should Look for … Next Time … or This Time … or Sadly … Last Time? …
… Look Back at Each ‘The One’ …
… Find the Common Traits …
… Then …
… Project That ‘The One’ …
… Into The Most …
… “Godly One” …
… That You Have Ever …
… Met … Known … or Can Mentally Conceive …
… Then …
… Never Settle for Anything Less …”
“… You can Choose …
… to go all the way Through …
… OR …
… you can choose …
… to settle …
… and force your way Out …”
… Staying with it—that’s what God requires.
Stay with it to the end.
You won’t be sorry, and you’ll be Saved …
Matthew 24:13 (MSG)
“… If you take something that does not belong to you …
… you are stealing … “
“And I do not steal.”
Meaning:
… If you accept someone’s false report, lie, misrepresentation of your character, misjudgment of your intentions, misinterpretation of your actions, distortion of your character, intentions, or actions …
… If you take or accept that false statement of theirs …
… Then, you are doing the equivalent of stealing, because that ‘lie or falsehood’ does not belong to you …
… Do not take or accept it …
… On The Other Hand …
… If you are not AND have never been honest with yourself …
… If you are a very self-defensive person, because you cannot accept the truth about yourself …
… Even if it hurts …
… And make the necessary changes to your character, in order to become a better person …
… Then, you are also Stealing …
“… Fear inside …
… leads many to …
… attempt to control outside …”
… Ever wonder why “that person” …
… Seems to be so ‘Controlling?’ …
… Fear, as well as old, unhealed, unresolved hurts and pain inside …
… Leads many to control everything that they possibly can, outside …
… Love contains no fear—indeed fully-developed love expels every particle of fear …
1 John 4:18 (Phillips)
“… Never make any decision based on fear …”
… Y’all Know Jacksonville Beaches Are Opened Right? …
… And as Olivia on The Cosby Show said after eating Denise Huxtable’s Cooking … “And I am Still Alive!” …
… Irrespective of whether or not the Center for Disease Control (CDC) correctly said that we needed to distance ourselves from one another …
… For a SHORT Period of Time …
… I believe that many of us allowed fear to cause us to run into our homes, put masks on, & hide under our beds …
… Over something that more of us than not recover from …
… There is no doubting the fact that CoronaVirus or COVID-19 is a big deal and a deadly disease …
… However it also made for a good example & provided a perfect time to post this Earlism …
… Many people allow Fear …
… Not your Thinking or Feelings Decision Making Preference …
… As is One of the Four MBTI Personality Type Preferences Discussed in my Book …
… A Personality Portrait: Sixteen Biblical Figures Who Identify Your Traits …
… Available on Amazon, Wipf & Stock, AND on my WebSite … See Earlism link below …
… We use our ability to Interpret Information …
… Through our Sensing or iNtuitive Preference …
… Another MBTI Personality Portrait Preference … To Make Decisions for our lives every day …
… But we CANNOT allow Fear to be our Guide …
… We have to Make Well Thought Out & Balanced Compassionate Decisions …
… Relative to every issue and circumstance we face in life …
… These Decisions relate to our relationships, friendships, health, finances, and many other areas of life …
… Use your Preferred Decision Making Preference … Thinking with Feelings …
… But never to an extreme …
… And to those of you who are Believers … Let God Guide your Thoughts, Hearts, and Minds …
… Finally …
… Be Led … Not Driven … To Run and Hide …
… NEVER make any decision based on fear …
… Love contains no fear—indeed Fully-Developed (Perfected or Perfect) Love expels every particle of fear …
Question:
“… How do you know they are not over me yet? …
Jones’ Answer:
… Because they have not Tried to get over you yet! …”
‘Do or Do Not … There IS Try’
… Jedi Master Yoda said …
… “Do or Do Not … There is No Try” …
… Sorry Jedi Master …
… There IS ‘Try’ …
A Good Thing
… Most people do not break up a Happy Home or Happy Relationship because everything was great! …
… HECK! Many people do not STAY TOGETHER because they have a Happy Home or a Happy Relationship …
… In those cases … they usually stay together because: 1) of Familiarity with Misery, i.e. they have simply forgotten that they are living beneath their Privilege to have a Peaceful, Loving Life, 2) they have a lot of Pride and they do not want anyone to know that they could not make it with the other person who EVERYONE told them not to ‘get with’ in the first place, 3) they simply have a Fear of Being Alone (“I AM with you always …”, Matthew 28:20), or 4) they have a Fear of Starting Over …
… But that is a whole ‘nother Earlism for a whole ‘nother day! …
… So the fact that y’all broke up is usually …
… A Good Thing …
… (Proverbs 18:22, MSG) …
Getting Over YOU
… I will usually tell people …
… “You know that they are not ‘Over You Yet’?” …
… They will ask me, in reply …
… “How do you know?” …
… I will respond …
… “Because they HAVE NOT TRIED to get over you yet” …
I’m Out!
… Most people will just leave a Relationship …
… Without bothering to actually take the time to Heal …
… Emotionally …
… Or possibly Spiritually …
… (if that was EVER an element of the Relationship in the first place) …
… They just leave in abject frustration …
… Declaring “I AM OUT!” … OR “I CANT TAKE THIS NO MORE!” …
… However … They never bother to try …
… To Get Over the other person …
… And all that went into the Relationship …
Actually … Two Ways
… The ONLY way to actually get over another person …
… Particularly one that you had an emotional or God forbid a physical bond with …
… Actually there are Two Ways …
… Both involve Trying …
… The First Way …
… Sheer Will Power …
… The Human Will or Free Will is a powerful thing …
… A person can ‘Power Up’ their will and actually get PAST … Not Over … But PAST a bad Relationship …
… I.e. you can power up your Free Will and leave a person in the distant past …
… In your memory, heart, & soul …
… However … In that Powered Up Human Will Instance …
… You are actually not ‘Over’ the person …
… You just compartmentalized the past …
… OR …
… “Shoved a Ticking Clock into a Drawer” …
… See Earlism #10 Drop a Clock into a Drawer …
… The Second Way …
… ACTUALLY The Only Way …
… Is to …
… Pray for Healing …
… You have to ask God for Forgiveness for all of the STUFF and OLD BAGGAGE that you dragged into that Relationship …
… The BAGGAGE that helped to MESS EVERYTHING UP …
… THEN …
… Forgive the other person for hurting you …
… THEN …
… Forgive yourself …
… AND …
… Wait for Healing …
… Before you Move On …
… And Into a New Relationship …
The Only Way
… So …
… They (or You) can Power Up Your Free Will …
… And Get ‘Past’ it …
… But that Aint Over IT! …
… OR …
… They (or You) can …
… Go to God …
… Ask for Healing …
… THEN …
… Forgive and Release from your debt …
… The Other Person …
… For All they Did to you …
… THEN …
… Confess all the stuff you did …
… THEN …
… Do Not Allow Yourself To Live in Regret …
… It Happened …
… It is Over …
… It Is Most Likely A Good Thing …
… ALSO …
… Do Not Declare God’s Will was done …
… When It ‘Was Not’ His Will that you start dating or marry that person in the first place! …
… THEN …
… Forgive yourself for not listening to all of those who tried to warn you against entering into the Relationship …
… For not listening to that Still, Small Voice inside that Tried to Warn You against entering into the Relationship …
… AND …
… For NOT LEAVING A LONG TIME AGO …
… THEN …
… Get Healed of EVERYTHING Old & New …
… AND …
… Most Importantly …
… Get A True Vision of who you Are supposed To Be With …
… AFTER …
… AND ONLY AFTER …
… You And …
… The New One …
… ARE Both Healed & Fully Ready for a Healthy Relationship …
… When That Happens …
… You Will Not Have to Look Far …
… Just Rest …
… And Let Him Bring ‘One of the Ones’ (Future Earlism #33 The Ones) …
… The READY One …
… To You …
… And You to Them … (Genesis 2:21-23, NLT) …
They Never Tried
… So Trust Me …
… They AINT over you yet …
… As Little Comfort as that may …
… Or Even Should …
… Bring you …
… Why Not? …
… And How Do I Know? …
… Because they Never Tried …
… To Get Over You …
“… In order to Live God’s Dream …
… God’s Way …
… You must …
… Totally Submit & Obey …”
Dreams
… Joseph is seemingly my favorite Biblical Character (actually it is Abigail) because I use him as a frame of reference more than any other. He is prominently featured in both of my books: A Personality Portrait & Enoch’s Journey. So, why not use him again? …
… I see So Many of us take a God Dream and try to manifest it our way (see: Earlism #59 Think You Thought … All By Yourself?) …
… I Believe that we do this for a few reasons. One reason is that it is as ‘hard as heck’ to wait on God and to COMPLETELY do things His way …
… I call this ‘snatching the steering wheel’ from God …
Snatching the Steering Wheel
… What happens is that we get some Grand Vision or Dream of what our life should be or should look like in the ‘future.’ …
… However, we forget or do not recognize Who Revealed this Grand Dream or Vision for our lives to us. It is a Dream, where we are doing something that we never thought we could do …
… And possibly something that we never thought we were qualified to do …
… And in some instances, something that we, in and of ourselves, sans God’s Dream, never wanted to do (i.e. being an Author or a Writer, for me) …
… But we see some Grand Vision for our lives and are totally excited to ‘go get it.’ Or, maybe not so much … but we know that it is a Vision of things to come. So we are, at the very least, definitely intrigued by it. And we Feel compelled to pursue it. Or as they say in the South, we are compelled to …
… “Run on and see what the end gonna be!”” …
Dreams Come with Mandates
… These Dreams come with some mandates. In Joseph’s case he had to tell his family about his Dreams (Genesis 37 & Enoch’s Journey) …
… And as Dwayne Wayne said in the old sitcom, A Diff’rent World “… and that’s when the fight broke out!” …
… Them jokers (Joseph’s older brothers) plotted to kill him! AND only settled for throwing him in a dry water well or cistern. Only to later, fish him out and sell him into slavery, to their distant cousins the Ishmaelites. …
He COULD Go … All …The …Way!
… The point is that we have to go all the way through our version, of everything that Joseph endured, including: murder plots, being betrayed and sold by your brothers into slavery, slavery itself, lusty slaveowners wives attacking us, lies on top of lies, prison for a crime you never committed, and being forgotten and abandoned …
… And if we can make it through this, in Joseph’s case, thirteen years of Searing Pain, inflicted on our entire life …
… Then we can finally see God’s Dreams …
… Manifest in God’s Way (Genesis 37, 39-41, 42-50, NLT) …
… BUT who the heck has the time or patience for ALL THAT?!? …
Take This Exit …
… So we snatch the steering wheel from God …
… Take the nearest off ramp …
… And drive ourselves to … ‘Near Place’ … which looks something like the Dream …
… But this ‘Near Place’ came up on the Highway of Searing Pain …
… Much sooner than the actual, God Inspired, long ago, Dreamed of ‘New Place’ …
… Joseph’s Great Great Grandfather Terah did this same …
… Snatching the Steering Wheel from God move, in Genesis (11:31-32) …
… It is just easier …
… But in the end …
… This ‘Near Place’ is not at all …
… The Inspired & God Breathed, Long Ago Dreamed of ‘New Place’ …
… That God was sending you to …
… When you first saw …
… His Dream …
… Looked Something Like The Dream …
… So, you started dating and married the first dude that came along who looked ‘something like’ the Dream …
… So, you took the first job that came along that looked ‘something like’ the Dream …
… So, you took the easy way out …
… Instead of waiting, many times suffering, & patiently enduring to …
… ‘See what the end gonna be!’ …
… Although you already know what ‘the end gonna be’ …
… Because ‘it was all a Dream’ …
… A God Inspired Dream …
… Given to you …
… One which you took into your own hands …
… And Unfortunately …
… Decided to manifest in your own way …
… Let God do the driving …
… Don’t be His co-pilot …
… Don’t say “are we there yet?” …
… Patiently Endure …
… And go along for the ride …
… A man’s harvest in life will depend entirely on what he sows. …
… If he sows for his own lower nature his harvest will be the decay and death of his own nature. …
… But if he sows for the Spirit he will reap the harvest of everlasting life by that Spirit. …
… Let us not grow tired of doing good, for, unless we throw in our hand, the ultimate harvest is assured. …
“… Question: How do you hit a target? …
… Answer: Throw something at it! …”
A Marketing term that relates to reaching Primary, Secondary, and Tertiary Target Markets.
But it also can be used to encourage people to reach their goals.
One must first identify their Goal or Target Objective.
Then they must hurl or throw a perfectly useful and appropriate object at it!
In other words, they must propel themselves, their resume or C.V., money, skills and abilities, or whatever the required object is, at the Target, Job, or Goal.
… One will never reach their goals, if they simply think about, conceptualize, idealize, or even identify their Goal …
… Without requisite and corresponding action …